Saturday, January 31, 2004


I don't understand what my problem was this morning. First off I had a dream about a spider, a black widow that was the size of a grapefruit that would follow me around like a puppy. It wasn't really a nightmare until someone tried to use it to scare prisoners in a jail cell, why they were doing this I have no idea. Bit it made me that thinking that my spider would get squashed.
Well that's when I woke up and was in a bad mood. Bad thoughts keep running through my head, all the things that I noticed were wrong in my life or surroundings over the last week kept doing laps in my head while I was in the shower, building up their own momentum. I wa in the shower just pissed off with all of these voices screaming in my head and all I wanted to do was snap and lash out for no reason. Sounds grated and everything was loud.

Kept thinking BREATH BREATH, don't let it out, it will pass, too many things happening today to and I don't have the shield of work to hide behind. I've been operating at such a high tempo the last couple of weeks I can't shut my brain down. I can't stop thinking about work. One thing is I'm not afraid of what's coming up shortly. The only thing that seems to drive me crazy is inactivity. This damn command has warped me or maybe it was my mom. Who knows maybe something upstairs is still broken.