Friday, October 08, 2004

I lost my friend last night

I lost my partner last night, my constant companion when I was in a war torn country. Wherever I went, she was never further then an arms reach away. A comforting weight, a window on to the world, a new reality that I could fall into. Without her, this blog would have told a shorter and different story, my fotopage would have been a stark page full of outdated pictures. With her anything was possible, she opened up doors, which a year ago, I didn't even know existed, what I was good at, she made better. I had to leave you alone in the sun when customs was checking our gear in Iraq, ever since then you haven't been right. A quirk here and there, last night, you had a seizure and I couldn't understand what you were trying to say. I was in a pit of despair, with all of my skills as a healer, I couldn't fix you, I couldn't make you whole once more.

Why lord, why?

This morning, before work, I picked you up lovingly and pressed the power button and you booted up.


Any day now, my laptop is on her last legs. I never realized how much I needed her till she was gone. One night of her not working felt like someone had ran over my dog all over again. Six months, she was on my back where ever I went. Even now that I'm back, I still carry her. The video card baked when she was left out while I went through customs, as far as I can see, it's not a replaceable part (IBM A31 Thinkpad if anyone knows any different). I'm glad everything is on the external so I'm not going to lose anything but...

Damn this blows the big one.

I have to buy another one. A couple of years ago, before I was under the leash of the laptop, I hadn't even thought of buying a laptop. That was for somewhere down the road when I had more money. Now the though of going on without one.

I have nightmares about it.

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