This guy is back

Because he liked it so much the first time he came out here Pontifex decided to do the comeback tour, nice to see ya.

Little bit about this place

It's actually not bad at all but then I'm looking at the area compaired to CAX or Edwards, which some people think are hellish places. The weather is nice, I'm sleeping well, friendly people all around, I could be with a bunch of mean folk and it could be 130 outside. Base isn't that bad (this isn't where I'm ending up though) there is a Burger King and a Subway, two PX's, 2 internet Cafes, and a phone center. The only hassle is everything is far away from where I'm living, so I'm doing a lot of walking to get over here. Still settling in, guys have a couple of cases of the sniffles and sore backs from the load up (me too). Everything is brown, a hard packed sand that is closer to the texture of dirt then anything with little pockets of flour-like sand. None of that riverbed-like sand. I know what Dagger Jag was talking about now when he said they were importing sand. One of the interent cafes is free but the wait time is around two hours and the service is really slow, the other one is pay, couple minute lines, 2 dollars for membership and 10 cents a minute (only problem is I can't upload picture, fotopages is blocked, sigh). I'm pretty busy and so it's well worth the money. The plan is to use my laptop to write the blog and emails on word then paste everything here. But we don't have a power source in out tent and battery is low. Everybody is doing good and nobody is crying themself to sleep, we're taking care of each other. Hope everyone is well on that side of the world.

Our long trip

Before you read on, I've made it safe and sound..

The plan was to show up at 1800 pick up our weapons at 1830 and be on the road before 2200. As usual plans change, our flight was 5 and a half hours delayed so we wouldn't be leaving till 2 or 3, sigh. Doc K made this comment "this is probably the best way to keep the enemy from knowing what you're doing, it's hard for them to know when you don't". He has a point there but still.. Well at the 1800 formation they tell us to come back at midnight but not to leave the base. I went for my last enchanting meal at Taco Bell. Okay not the most romantic place but it was easy and cheep.

Back at the office three hours before we have to go, I double checked our gear, making sure everything was in order. It appeared to be, guess we'll find out when we get there. Doc T offered to drive doctor K and I around base (Belly had gone back to her room and crashed out, smart girl). So off we went to the club on base, standing order was we weren't allowed to drink alcohol prior, that blew, so it was cokes for us. Found out the Doc K and I both suck at pool sober plus it isn't as fun.

Back at the hanger we gathered up again and was told we needed to unloaded our bags from the 20 foot container that we had them stashed and had to put our k-bar’s (big knife that they issue us) in our already packed to the brim seabags. Figures it would start raining during this evolution. Afterwards we drew our weapons, the Marines checked out their M16's and us medical people checked out 9mm pistols. And reloaded the bags in the back of a semi trailer and got on to the busses that were to take us down to anther air force base to be picked up and taken overseas. I'm always wondering at this point, why can't they just pick us up where we're at? Not like the runways are any different, The plane we're flying on is chartered, can't we just charter it out of our home base? Just a thought mind you. Had to do the same thing when I was stationed at El Toro (which also has a nice runway). Ended up arriving at the other AFB at 7 in the morning, everyone was tired with only the sleep we had gotten was on the bus. Our platoon was tagged for loading up the plane, damn this is a lot of gear (picture soon coming). Hot sweaty and probably smelly we loaded up for the first leg of our journey. All I saw of that was us taxing down the runway and when they woke me up to eat. Slept all the way till Maine where we had a warm welcome from the locals, free cookies, phone calls, coffee, a gauntlet of hand shaking. Thanks! They sent us off in style. Onward to an airport in Europe, military terminal, layover for an hour then final leg to Kuwait, currently lying in a bed of gravel at a colder welcoming center. Amazing the wonders of technology, I’m out here in the middle of a big desert and can write this. Well this all has already taken place so it will have nothing to do with telling about troop movements till after the fact. No clue what the next step is yet, nor could I tell you. Will write more later.

Later in the day (battery ran dead in the laptop) I'm at an internet cafe, we've gotten to our temp tent till we fly out to the airbase we're going to be staging out of. Doing well despite the lack of good sleep, wait I just slept all the way through 3, 6 hour flights. The only medical problem we've had so far is an ingrown toenail, heading out to get that taken care of right now.

Mom, foods great, people wonderful and all that stuff. Great fun all, I got to get back to work.

On my way over

I'm out of the US right now and heading over, just doing a stop off at the airport at *******. Tell you about it when I hit the ground incountry. Thanks for the support everybody. Next time I'll be online with be downrange.

Another post on having a duel internet presence

I was surprised today by how many of the family members in my unit use my fotopage to keep in touch with their loved ones and I received a email tonight of support from a family member of one of my Marines for the great service I offer. It's just something I do, it keeps me sane and gives me somewhat detached view of everything. Not that I'm very detached. It started back in April 2002, I had taken all of these cool pictures on one of our dets down to Trinidad (beautiful country) and I had posted them on a MSN Community that I had started out for free, but MSN didn't really give you that much control, but it was easier then emailing or making multiple copies of all the pictures that everyone wanted. I kept posting there for a while though and then the war started and I saw on google that Iraqi blogger Salam Pax had gone missing. What in the heck is a blog, so I followed the links and a while later he shows us and is blogging again. Guess you could say this all started with him, well he has some pictures to post and wants to do it for free, and I'm introduced to fotopages, This is where I found Sean from Turningtables before he ever started his blog or his fotopage, hmm, this fotopages thing is pretty easy and if anything I have a lot of pictures. So June last year I started my fotopage, posting pictures of my trips, training, family, many many sunsets and sunrises, pretty much anything. The Marines in my unit would check out the pictures and sometimes the family but I pretty much catered to the fotopages community. Great bunch of people over there. When I first joined there was less then 500 fotopages, the count as of right now is 8427, wonder how many I got started? Somehow or other I'm at number 4 right now. That could change any time though. I am pretty happy with the work I've done over there but peer pressure has pushed me into starting a regular blog and know what? I like it. It's an entirely new realm that occupies a different part of my brain. I've been following other bloggers for so long, specially the military ones that were deployed to the front, I might as well try giving the world more of the same kind of service though the lens of my eyes. Thanks for your interest.

Milblog people away from home

I haven't left yet so pay no mind to me. With all the attention on Iraq, there are some other great Military bloggers out there Ed from Hardtack and Havoc gives some good advice on shopping under the local economy, he's in Africa right now. Ground truth tells about in-theatre HMWWV modifications and tells about what's under the gaudy exterior of Saddam's buildings. Will of A Minute Longer has a tale about one of his no shows, Jason from Iraq Now also talks about armor on HMWWV and gaps in his own service record, Eric from Dagger Jag talks about importing sand into his base in Kuwait (because the sand there is the wrong type) to Harden his vehicles (odd!), Keven from Boots on the Ground should be coming home sometime in the near future, tells of an accidental dischange of a weapon into his buddy's foot. Chromedome has been there for----e------ver, wonder when he's coming home? Sgt Hook tells of the dreaded itch from getting his smallpox shot (sheesh I'm getting mine soon too), he's heading to Afganistan (if not there yet), John Galt from Deeds tells about good shopping deals in Iraq (I might have to do some shopping when I'm out there). Take a look at these guys, good stuff. There's sure to be people that I've missed but you can catch the rest at Milblogs an awesome site set up by another military blogger Grayhawk.

Packing my bags

I've spent most of the weekend packing my bags, there's piles of clothes lying all over the house and right now I'm sitting in a laundry mat doing the mother load of all of my clothes want to make sure everything is clean before I pack it away and I still have dirty field gear. Tensions are running a bit high; I notice that I'm more snappish then usual. Sorry to people close to me for being this way. I'm trying to maintain but I can't deny the fact that I'm pretty highly wound up right now. So many things to take care of before I leave and I just keep wondering about what I'm forgetting. I didn't really have the time today but I replied to a bunch of emails anyway. And also signed my self up to Books for Soldiers and Adopt a Platoon, they offer some great free services to military folk. I'll be passing the word on to my guys.

This isn't the first time I've been sent overseas; I was with VMFA (AW)-242 a two seater (delta) F/A-18 Squadron out of El Toro. Went over twice with them, spent 3 months in Australia, couple of months in Iwakuni Japan, Okinawa and South Korea. Back in the day, delta's didn't go out to sea on their 6 month pumps, something about carrying a couple hundred pounds less fuel then the one seaters. Needless to say I had a great time, this time around there's sure to be more adventures but not likely to be as much mindless fun. Hopefully being a little bit older and wiser helps. Still think everything should be fun and as anyone that knows me, knows I'll try having fun no matter where I'm at!

a letter from Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi

(hat tip Cindy)
This letter was intercepted a couple of days ago. How come this isn't all over the blogsphere? Abu Massab al-Zarqawi is a Jordanian with longtime ties to bin Laden. A side note the same day this letter was released the CIA increased the reward for his capture to $10 million. It's pretty chilling reading, this is what he says about Americans

"These, as you know, are the most cowardly of God’s creatures. They are an easy quarry, praise be to God. We ask God to enable us to kill and capture them to sow panic among those behind them and to trade them for our detained shaykhs and brothers."

These are the people we're up against.

Military Justice

Blackfive has an excellent story about politics and promotion in the Military. It shows that you shouldn't always judge a book by its cover. If someone above you is willing to fall on the sword for a screw up you did (or one of your guys) you'd better respond in kind. There are somethings that are worth more then money out there and having your peoples back is one of them. Great job Major Jim!

Deployed Military support networks

Over the last day, I've been receiving numerous emails from people that belong to soldiers Angels and Books for Soldiers. If you're in the military and deploying they offer an awesome service for our deployed troops ((Thanks)). And for regular readers, they offer a chance for you to get involved. Anything sent to my guys I'll be adding a personal word of thanks here on the blog and hopefully be able to post pictures on myFlog.

Female Medic receives Combat Medical Badge

As a Corpsman heading out into harms way I have to give a big congrats to Jennifer Gruselle She's only the fourth female medic to receive this award! Hat tip to Sea Doc

What am I allowed to tell you?

One of the things about being a military blogger is that I have to be deliberately vague about what I'm writing about. I can tell stories but I usually leave out the names and exact times, sometimes places. I can't forecast to my readers what our plans as a unit are but I can tell you what my plans are as long as they aren't involving a mission. Obviously I'm getting ready to go, too many moving parts in getting a reserve unit ready for deployment.

My job would be a lot easier my reserve medical support showed up before the Marines arrived instead of 3 weeks to a month later. If anyone up above reads this, I don't mean to talk bad about this issue but the way the reserve Medical people are activated is hosed up.

The Marines get a nice refreshing phone call weeks in advance "pack your bags, we're blah blah blah..." They get a date, show up and gather in as a group and get in line. It's kinda like going through a cafeteria, one stop admin, supply, armor, medical, etc.

While on the other hand. When the reserve Corpsman and Doctors usually get their orders it's a total surprise, with a report date that often only days away. To the reservist that are new to the unit, this is a unit that they haven't heard of that, with out a doubt in another part of the country. They've been drilling with the same people for years and then pulled out to go with utter strangers with a different mission then they were trained for. The people that take care of their pay don't have a clue about the unit that's their ultimate destination.

As one of my reserve medical folk found out, his orders told him to report for mobilization to a unit that no longer existed, Reserve Center Santa Ana which was closed down I believe in '98. When he did get to where he was supposed to be they had no idea what to do with him. Took him 3 days of sitting around till they called us, letting us know that they had found our lost person... After checking him in, it took 4-5 months to get his pay straight.

This stuff never ever (not that I've heard of) happens to Marines, they got their shit together, or if there is a problem they put in a fix pretty quick.

During the check in process for Marines the bulk of the medical work that's supposed to get done for the medical side of the mobilization is done on that first day. If it's a remote site, the staff Corpsman is often stuck by himself and has to do all the work because:

a. the medical staff that's supposed to show up hasn't even been identified.
b. They've been identified and they're taking care of pay and personal issues at some other site.

There's no pay support for hundreds of miles around for the Naval reserves except me and I'm usually jam packed with work. There's only so much one guy can do (but my replacement is here so I'm passing the buck soon, heh heh heh, evil laugh). So my replacement guy Pat and I do this whirlwind job and taking care of the bare necessities of getting the Marines mobilized and a couple of weeks later the augmented medical people show up and it's all making sense of the paperwork that we've done. Unless you're on top of your game, there's definitely space for big holes. Activating a reserve unit is like building a dam, you're putting up bricks and trying keep ahead of the leaks, stop them up when you can and keep the whole thing from coming down on your head. But keep making progress and making sure when you're done with a project it's shored up and hopefully when you're done the entire thing will be watertight. Still working out the bugs with the corpsman that came on board and they are working out their bugs with me, we're all progressing towards the same goal, much of the hard part is done and soon I'll be posting from the Box.

The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

I'm not even in the Army (squid remember?) but this got a few laughs out of me (and maybe a few ideas?). I can think of one (or more) of my Marines that fit the bill of Skippy. Thanks Jeremy for leading me to the light.

Reasons for starting a regular blog

I've been a photo blogger for 8 months now and I still think the pictures are tell a great story by themselves but it's on a different medium then writing, I do and have written stories on my flog but, I was starting to receive pressure from some of my blogging friends to start a regular respectable blog. So this is my little sojourn into the blogging world. Pictures do distract from a message or story that you're trying to get across, I could be posting my text messages over there but would I get the same readership? People come to blogs because they want to hear a story, find out some bit of news from another source or want to see what someone elses life is like. The blog and the flog are separate and different trains of thoughts, ones capturing what I see, beautiful, funny, sharing something that you usually don't see or letting friends and family of my Marines see how their loved ones are doing. It gives you, the viewer, a chance to make up your mind on what you think about what's going on. This blog lets you get into the head of the person that's writing, in my case the person behind the lense. So for you people that enjoy my pictures, don't worry the flog's going to be around for a long time and for those that want to see what I have to write, what stories I have to tell, (even though my numbers aren't anywhere near what my flog, the blog is only a baby at only 3 weeks old!), keep checking out my blog, hopefully my writing will get better! Enjoy and don't worry about me yet, my guys are taking care of me!

about Corpsman

Wow, Doc Russia, powerful stuff! From all of us Corpsman out there thanks for this. There are alot of reasons for a Corpsman to be with the Marines, we have a big name to uphold but I haven't seen it worded any better in a long long time. We got your back.

Some of my Marines got their Aircrew Wings last night

Last night we had some of our Marines pin on their Aircrew Wings and as usual we celebrated (we're a celebrating type of squadron) Pictures posted here. We only have a short time left before we hit the road, work was pretty tense, unit as a whole I think we needed to let our hair down. I had a great time except for this evil cold/flu/SAR's thing I have. Yesterday I had to teach a class on small pox and sounded like a frog, sigh, made it though the class without having a coughing fit. Afterwards sitting through the next class, Doc K and I were the only people coughing. What's up with the entire medical department being the only people sick? Belly is down in San Diego going through the CASEVAC course and she's as sick as a dog too. Last night we went though the wing pinning ceremony and proceeded to party our asses off. I was feeling like I had a hangover before I ever started drinking, kinda feverish, ya know the usual blah, I wasn't complaining though, I hear that too much from patients and I don't want to start sounding that way. One thing about be the Doc for a bunch of Marines, if you take care of them they take care of you. I would have to say I was very well taken care of last night. By the end of the night I was having trouble walking straight decided it would be a good time to make my exit. I'm a firm believer against drunk driving and there are perks to owning a suburban such as having a huge back seat. Yeah I was offered a ride home but it's 20 miles from there to work and I didn't want to have to wake up early and try to beg a ride first thing in the morning. So I crawled into a sleeping bag in my back seat and slept till 5, woke up freezing and drove home. Slept for a couple more hours and went to work feeling like shit. Hungover and sick, going through records, compiling information for reports that have to make it up the chain.

Wonder what the air base is going to be like that we're going to? Sorry can't announce that, you know the saying "loose lips sink ships", well my saying is "loose lips will get this blogger knocked out of the sky", maybe I'll be able to say where I'm at when we arrive, with approval from the man of course. Not to much info on it on the web anyway, looks like I'll be the first blogger there.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Know where I'm going tomorrow? I'm off to Disneyland! Pictures of course, hopefully I'll start feeling better. Peace!

Day at the Range

Wonder of wonders had a great a time at work today, it was a familiarization day with weapons in a combat environment. Using the M16 and 9mm in a rapid ways (we airwingers don’t get that much experience at such things). Went through some classes and drills and then went out to the range and blasted the hell out of the countryside without the usual rules or worrying about scores (got to use burst setting and were given a lot of ammo). We went over some of the weapons we might be running into over there and hands on training on how to use if necessary. Other then wearing all of this body armor (heavy), I would have to say most everyone had an awesome time. Good moral booster for all those that have been busting ass getting ready to go (medical included, I’m going a bit batty being trapped in my cave looking at records). Thanx for the air Skipper! Pictures of our day in at the range.

Life is a Journey

Inside I know that I'm not the sweet nice guy that people seem to think I am, I've been too far down the dark path and have lost sight of the light too many times in my life to even think I could fool myself that way. Being so far in the dark has led me to recognize the beauty that life has to offer. There's still so much out there that I have yet to do and yet I look around and see that most people still haven't lived half as much as I have. Am I just selfish and want too much out of life?

I have found over time it's not the destination that matters but the actual journey there. There are roads that are so infrequently traveled that you have no idea the magic that can be found just by noticing it and giving it voice if only in your head. The people that you bring with you on these escapades add color and separate viewpoints that make fast the images and stories that you pick up. The trick is to never lose sight of that special magic that is invoked and don't ever let the road merely be just a road.

This is the view point that I'm trying to use on my next little adventure. If anyone can enjoy it, I can, yeah the last few weeks have been pretty stressed, but that boil is about to be lanced. Life is what you make of it and I hope to make the best of this.

Going Away Party tonight

Cleaning the house, not much time to blog, sure to take pictures though.

The next wave

These guys are also heading someplace Eric at Dagger Jag, an Army lawyer with the 1st Infantry Division's, 2nd (DAGGER) Brigade, Sgt Hook, an Army First Sargeant of a CH-47D helicoper company (it's his second trip over!) and Jason from Just Another Soldier, a National Guardsman that just had his blog pulled (sigh, he was a way better writer then I). We're the start of next wave of bloggers, joining or taking over for those that are over there. We have some big shoes to fill, with the likes of Sean from ...turning tables..., Lt Smash who is now Citizen Smash and Kevin from The Primary Main Objective. Wish us luck, hopefully we can do as well and make it back in one piece. Also check out Milblogs for a fine list of military bloggers, active, reserve, ex-military, spouses and girlfriends of deployed folk, fans of and so forth, good stuff!

I knew fear today (a small sign that I'm stressed out)

As usual before a great adventure medical was hopping, we were burning out hit lists, giving shots, unloading supplies, all the usual stuff. Bell was on the computer putting together a squadron hit list. The rest of us were off in our own private la la land, doing whatever little mission that we had made our own. She had been working on this all morning not looking up, not talking (strange as that sounds, j/k B) totally focused. She was writing this all on a email draft and had just got done and I asked her to print it out so we could bring it over the squadron (most of the squadron's computers had been embarked so emails wouldn't reach as many people) to get a print out, well the network was down that hooked to the printer so I copied it to Word and saved it to disk to print on my laptop. She got back on her computer to start working on SAM's (idiotic program we use to track shots and such things). Well she asks me if she can close it out and I said sure (my brain wasn't switched on this morning). I put the disk in to open the document and the damn disk won't read. I think to myself that sucks and I turn around to just write it to another disk and the only windows showing on her computer is SAM's and Outlook. "Eep!!!!!" I rushed over and tried to see if the disk would read on her's.... nope. She had closed out without saving, I felt my stomach drop and the feeling of impending doom slip in, I had to have this hit list out. Arrrggghhh! What was I to do, she was saying something like "OH NO!!!" And I just sat there and stared at the screen, cursing under my breath, I was very close to losing my cool facade. Then it struck me, I had copied and pasted the entire shot list from Outlook onto Word. I clicked on the Word icon, DAMN IT hurry up, friggen slow ass computer! It came up, I hit Ctrl+V and there it was. Whew! Almost lost that one.

Okay, Maybe I was over dramatizing this all in my head but in reality it wasn't that big of a deal, it was just a hit list, I put a new one out every day! I rockclimb, have ran into the tops of mountains while flying at high speeds, dive off 60 foot cliffs and I think today I was more scared over this little hit list then I have been doing any of those other things. It was like the end of the world for a second. I was in shock for a few minutes following this little episode and went out side to smoke a cigarette, noticed my hand shaking. Maybe I need a day off.

A little story about medical

Our supplies came in this morning, ton's of stuff with some stuff that we really don't use in a combat environment (couple hundred sterile surgical gloves, hundreds of IV needles, sterile 4X4's) when you're doing the flying ambulance thing, it's just pick up and go like hell. Stop the bleeding if the ground guy hasn't and keep the guy alive. Back of a 46 isn't really a sterile environment, wind rushing through the cabin at 50 miles an hour doesn't really help matters much. The air crew gets upset when you're tearing off the packages of this stuff and it whips around the cabin, know how something out of the corner of your eye catches your attention? Well they're over there looking down the sights of a 50 Cal for bad guys and a white wrapper comes flying by at 70 miles an hour (some people can't throw a ball that fast) kinda destruction. So us as CASEVAC Corpsman rip all of that pretty wrapping off and put the stuff in a ziplock (which goes back in our pocket when we're done) with whatever else we need to tie it down. So much for it being sterile. We do keep it clean but we're not operating an OR. Like to see someone try to do that up there. Maybe on a 53 that doesn't leak hydraulic fluid (I've never seen one). Anyway we call these things that we fill our pockets with bleeder kits, we're all trying to be like Batman with his cool belt, seeing how many cool medical dodads we can place on our person. Theory is that when we get off the bird to pick up the casualty we want to leave our expensive (very very heavy) medical bag safely strapped on the aircraft in case we have to run (some asshole starts shooting, have to help carry the patient), our job is to just bag and go. It would be nice to heal the guy but it would be better if he just made it there alive. Back to the sterile medical supplies, I think I'm going to trade it to some surgical company for loads of non sterile stuff that I don't have, I'm sure to make out better in the process.

back on track

Alright I'm through bitching, life was back on track today. Supply is coming through with our stuff tomorrow, I'm picking up the prophylaxis meds for malaria, people showed up for dental appointments and all in all everything is shaping up. Chris is still out at the range doing medical coverage and Bell and HM1 doing record reviews, Pat is still learning the ropes of being an I&I (inspector and instructor) Corpsman and he's already wishing that he had been sent anyplace else (can't blame him though). It's his show now, I'm just helping him along, I think it's going to be a different playing field. The balls in his court, let's see how well he can carry it. The new flight surgeon that's going over with my unit came by on Monday and Tuesday to see how things were going, wish I could have made a better first impression but the office was a mad house. He seems to know his stuff and has some excellent bad habits, believe he's going to fit in well. To an outsider the medical office would have appeared very chaotic, it's cleared up a bit since then. The new HM1 was also checking in during the same time and did much shaking of his head back and fourth. Oh well, so much for that first impression. On a good note HM1 is working out well, he been in for 14 years and one thing I can say I'm happy to have him on board. He just got off an extended deployment away from his family and somehow, somewhere got jacked into being dragged out here from his shore duty. Plan is to leave him in the rear to take care of all the broken people that we have left here. One of my big projects is to make sure that I pass along as much as I can to these guys before I pull chalks. Maybe it's smoothing out now.

Spent most of today chasing people down for shots and rescheduling 30 or so people that were supposed to have dental appointments, even with all the help of my new compadres, this day was totally crazy. Actually this whole month has been crazy. Just need to regain my footing and get everything in order.I'm a bum. I hate being all stressed out this way and it's not your fault at all. Just me recoiling away from the world. This little adventure I have coming up had got me a bit stressed out, worrying that I won't have everything ready in time, not being able to perform, lot's of moving objects and with extra people, I don't have the pulse that I usually have on everything. It's only a little while till we're on the road and I wish that I had a good answer. One day at a time... Once I'm done with this all, cheery posts will come.

Jason, looks like I'm losing a fellow Military blogger for awhile, hope it's not for good!

Smoothness lost
I've lost all of the smoothness I had this entire week and can't seem to regain it. Sitting here on a Sunday afternoon screening records and making hit lists, joy joy, I just love being here on Sunday, I could use the excuse that I don't have to be here because I have other people working for me and they do a great job but I can't frigging stop thinking about work! Anyhow I'm just passing greetings to everyone. Tomorrow we have a new Flight Surgeon is checking in and a new HM1, I know I have a lot of work that still needs to be done but what am I going to do with all of these people? I'm riding ontop a tiger that keeps getting bigger each day. I could use some extra arms and quicker brain cells. I'm not sure why I've been so cranky lately, need to take some chill pills. Guess yelling just sets me off when I'm like this, don't know. My life is messy right now and I don't know how to get it cleaned up and after work I just don't have the energy to do anything and everyone expects me to follow their schedules. I just need some time alone and no one wants to grant it. Give me a while I'll see if I can come up with some uplifting stuff.

It's late Sunday morning and I'm off to work, sigh!